10 REM *** WRITTEN BY DAVE AHL, DIGITAL 20 &"HELLO, MY NAME IS PETEY P. ELEVEN.":INPUT "WHAT IS YOUR NAME";A$:& 30 INPUT "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF HERE IN FUN CITY";B$:&:N=1 40 IF B$="YES" THEN 60 ELSE IF B$="NO" THEN 80 50 &"SORRY, "A$", BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANSWER OF '"B$"'." :&"COULD YOU TRY THAT WITH A 'YES' OR 'NO', PLEASE.":GOTO 30 60 &"HEY, THAT'S GREAT. SO AM I.":GOTO 90 80 &"OH, THAT'S TOO BAD "A$", BUT MAYBE I CAN CHEER YOU UP A BIT." 90 &"I CAN SOLVE ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS "A$". WHAT KINDS OF PROBLEMS" 100 INPUT "DO YOU HAVE (SEX, MONEY, HEALTH, OR NONE)";C$:& 110 IF C$="SEX" THEN 130 ELSE IF C$="MONEY" THEN 200 ELSE IF C$="HEALTH" THEN 250 ELSE IF C$="NONE" THEN 300 120 &"SORRY, "A$", BUT '"C$"' IS GREEK TO ME. HOW ABOUT TRYING" 125 INPUT "AGAIN WITH EITHER SEX, HEALTH, MONEY, OR NONE -- WHICH";C$:& :GOTO 110 130 INPUT "IS YOUR PROBLEM TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE";D$:& 140 IF D$="TOO MUCH" OR D$="MUCH" THEN 160 145 IF D$="TOO LITTLE" OR D$="LITTLE" THEN 180 150 &"NOW DON'T GET ALL NERVOUS AND EXCITED "A$". JUST ANSWER THE" 155 &"WITH A SIMPLE 'TOO MUCH' OR 'TOO LITTLE'. NOW THEN,":GOTO 130 160 &"YOU CALL THAT A PROBLEM "A$"!!! I SHOULD HAVE SUCH PROBLEMS!" 165 &"IF IT REALLY BOTHERS YOU, TAKE A COLD SHOWER.":GOTO 400 180 &"WELL ,THAT'S A PITY "A$". I COULD UNDERSTAND YOUR ANSWER IF" 185 &"WE WERE IN MAYNARD, MA OR BIBLE, KY, BUT HERE IN FUN CITY IT" 190 &"SEEMS A BIT STRANGE. WHY DON'T YOU GO STAND ON THE CORNER OF" 195 &"7TH AND 53RD FOR A WHILE. YOUR PROSPECTS MIGHT CHANGE!":GOTO 400 200 &"SORRY, "A$", BUT I'M BROKE TOO. WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB SELLING" 210 &"COMPUTERS? I HEAR THE COMMISSIONS ARE VERY HIGH IN THAT INDUSTRY!":GOTO 400 250 &"MY ADVICE TO YOU "A$" IS:":&" 1. TAKE 2 ASPRIN" 260 &" 2. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS (ORANGE JUICE, NOT BEER)" 270 &" 3. GO TO BED (ALONE!!)":GOTO 400 300 &"NONE !?! NONE?!? DID I HEAR YOU RIGHT, "A$"?" 310 &"THEN, WHAT ARE YOU COMING TO ME FOR?" 320 &:&"SINCE YOU ARE SO WELL OFF "A$", MY FEE WILL BE ONLY":N=10 :GOTO 510 400 & 405 &"DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER PROBLEMS YOU WANT SOLVED "A$;:INPUT E$:& 410 IF E$="YES" THEN 430 ELSE IF E$="NO" THEN 500 420 &"PLEASE, "A$". A SIMPLE 'YES' OR 'NO' WILL DO NICELY. NOW THEN," :GOTO 405 430 &"O.K. "A$". WHAT OTHER KINDS OF PROBLEMS":N=N+1:GOTO 100 500 &"I SOLVED"N"PROBLEM(S) FOR YOU "A$". MY FEE FOR THIS ADVICE IS" 510&"$"5*N". PLEASE LEAVE THE MONEY ON THE TERMINAL.":SLEEP 7% 520 &:&"DID YOU LEAVE THE MONEY "A$;:INPUT F$:& 530 IF F$="YES" THEN 550 ELSE IF F$="NO" THEN 570 540 &"COME ON, "A$", 'YES' OR 'NO', NOT '"F$"'. O.K?":GOTO 520 550 &"HA, HA, HA, "A$". YOU ARE TRYING TO FOOL ME. BUT I AM" 560 &"NOT FOOLED. YOU LEFT NO MONEY AT ALL "A$".":&:GOTO 600 570 &"WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST "A$". BUT" 600 &"HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CONTINUE WITH MY PSYCHIATRIC STUDIES" 610 &"IF MY PATIENTS DON'T PAY THEIR BILLS?":& 620 &"WELL ANYWAY, IT WAS NICE TALKING WITH YOU "A$"." 630 &"HAVE A NICE DAY!!":& FOR I=1 TO 10:GOTO 20 999 END